she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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