You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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