So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Randomize
