I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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