tonight lets celebrate not being married
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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