i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
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