Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
Randomize
