Will you blow on my dice?
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
