why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Randomize
