I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
and you fell through a lawn chair
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
