sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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