she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
