the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
