I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
