I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
