You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
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Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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