Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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