dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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