I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Randomize
