I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Randomize
