I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
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