I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
