I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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