She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Randomize
