the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
