I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
