did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
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