everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
