Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
