If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
this beer tastes like vomit already
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
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