u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
