if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
