Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Randomize
