My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
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he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
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He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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