I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
