Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
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