I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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