So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
