We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
