i wish starbucks made bloody marys
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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