please come you make the beer taste better
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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