Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
