My cat gives me a boner
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
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