2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
