I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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