Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
