Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
