it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
You may now shotgun with the bride
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
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