Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
