Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
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