I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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