if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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