she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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