Hey man sorry I got all grabby
I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Randomize
