I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Randomize
