Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
