you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
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