I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Randomize
