chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
