There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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