STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I still have a little drunk in my system
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Randomize
