You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
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