its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
