so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
