Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
