happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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