I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Brb crying the tears of my youth
It's shark week go big or go home
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
