Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
