yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
