Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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