maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
