soooo we both peed the bed last night...
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
