You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Randomize
