We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I just blew my weed a kiss
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
